Jamie's Plan
by Subtlynice
Summary: Jamie is sick of Ian and Wanda acting so shyly around each other. So he comes up with a plan. Ian/Wanda fluff, in celebration of the new The Host fanfic archive.


Jamie's Plan

**A/N:** I wrote this about a month ago, but I haven't had the opportunity to post it until now. Hopefully no one else has thought of this in the meantime. Please excuse my U.K. spellings, people. And excuse the 14-year-old boy I'm channelling as I write this.

**Disclaimer:** It all belongs to one of my favourite people in the world: Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

It had to stop, or else I was going to go mad. Luckily, I had a plan. And it _would_ work.

It had been weeks, maybe even months, since Wanda had woken up in Pet's body, and she'd had plenty of time to get used to it. Ian too, had had plenty of time to get used to the change, seeing as every waking moment of his time was spent at Wanda's side. Still, if those two spent one more day making goo-goo eyes at each other, but not having the guts to do anything more, I was going to have to throttle them.

But, like I said, I had a plan. A very good one too.

I spoke to Aaron and Brandt first, and got everything arranged with them. I didn't even mention moving out to Ian though. He'd only try to be generous and tell me I could stay if I wanted. Which I _didn't_. Wanda's my best friend and I love her- I can handle Ian talking about her every minute of the day. It's when he starts muttering about her in his sleep that it all becomes too much. That's why I had to put a stop to all this shy nonsense. If Jared and Melanie could start making the most of their lost time straight away, why couldn't Ian and Wanda?

But please, don't get me started on Jared and Mel. They're acting like the complete opposite of Wanda and Ian. I was happy for them at first, but there's only so much a brother can take before it becomes nauseating. And believe me, Jared and Mel crossed that line a _long_ time ago.

I decided to put my plan into action in the game room. I would make Wanda sleep next to us, and then give them my news. Perfect. It was foolproof.

But just as I had decided this, I saw Wanda and Ian walking through the crowd; Ian carrying a large cot which was obviously for Wanda. That would explain her grumpy expression. Wanda worries too much. She thinks that she's useless in her new body, just because she can't do as much stuff as she used to in Mel's. I guess I can see her point. Mel's really strong for a girl, and Wanda's smaller than me now. I can pick her up and everything!

But anyway, back to the point: I couldn't allow Wanda to sleep in that cot. It would ruin my plan, after all my preparation.

Wanda smiled at Doc as she passed by him, and I called out to her.

"Over here, Wanda!" I yelled, waving. "There's room for all three of us now."

Wanda smiled fondly as she made her way towards me. It was a bit of a patronising smile, really, but I didn't mind. Wanderer, like Melanie, was allowed to patronise me anytime she wanted. What else are sisters for?

"You don't really want that cot, do you Wanda?" I asked, grinning slyly. "I'll bet we could all fit okay on the mattresses if we shoved them together. You don't take up much space." I kicked the mattresses together as I spoke, not waiting for Wanda's answer, as I was sure she would protest.

I took the cot from Ian, noticing his shocked expression and narrowed eyes as I did so, which told me that he'd guessed what I was doing. I ignored him though, and bent down on the far side of the mattress, facing away from them and leaving them plenty of space. Time for part two of my ingenious plan to be put into action.

Facing away helped- it was a technique I'd stolen from Wanda's pathetic attempts at lies. If she hid her face it was harder to see the conspiracy etched into her (well, her and Mel's) features. Facing the opposite direction now, I didn't have to hide my amusement at the thought of their faces as I spoke.

"Oh, hey, Ian," I sad, with deliberate casualness. "I talked to Brandt and Aaron and I think I'm going to move in with them. Well, I'm beat. Night, guys."

It was hard- very hard –to stay motionless and not burst out laughing or turn around to see their faces. I knew Ian was in on my plan now, and I wondered if Wanda had figured it out now too. Probably not. She's too innocent. She wouldn't know a conspiracy plan if it slapped her in the face.

"Lights out!" I heard Jeb bellow from across the room. "Everybody shut yer trap so I can get some shut-eye."

There were faint murmurs and laughs at this, but I didn't hear anything from Wanda or Ian. Maybe they were still in shock.

A few moments later, once the lights were dimmed, I felt a weight on the mattress beside me and I knew Ian and Wanda must be accepting the situation I had put them in. I just wished one of them would talk, so I would know for sure.

"Is this okay?" I heard Ian whisper, and although my wish had been granted, I rolled my eyes at the stupid question. Too bad no one saw.

"Yes, thank you." I hard Wanda reply timidly. Judging from the volume of their voices and the awkward politeness of their tones, they were probably lying miles apart, just smiling stupidly at each other. Maybe even holding hands or something equally boring. Stuff old married couples do, not young adults. I decided it was time I stepped in again.

Trying extra hard to make it seem accidental, I rolled over and knocked into Wanda in the process. I stayed in my new position, determined to force a confrontation between them.

"Oops, sorry Wanda." I muttered for Wanda's benefit- there was no point in keeping up the pretence for Ian, but I was pretty sure Wanda was still- even now –oblivious to my plan. I polished off my performance with a loud, theatrical yawn. Maybe if Wanda thought I was half-asleep she'd be more comfortable with what I hoped would come of all my hard work: The Conversation.

I felt Wanda shift away from me, and then heard her gasp quietly. I turned my face away from them and grinned.

"Is this okay?" She asked quietly.

"Better than okay." Came his reply. So far, so good… but then nothing else was said for a very long time and I started to get annoyed. Ian knew perfectly well what I was doing, and he must have been planning to ask… so why wasn't he saying anything? Had he lost his nerve after all my planning?

But then I heard it: the quietest of whispers. I had to strain my ears to hear it, but after a few intelligible words, there was a pause and I heard Wanda whisper just as quietly one word: yes. It didn't sound like a reply, more like a question. I strained my ears even harder.

"Well, it looks like I have a room all to myself now. That's not right."

"No. There's not enough space for you to be alone."

"I don't want to be alone. But…"

"But what?"

Oh, the idiots. Watching the crops grow in the fields would be quicker than this. They really were the polar opposites of Jared and Mel. Couldn't both couples find a middle ground and stop being so annoying?

"Have you had enough time to sort things out yet?" I heard Ian ask very quietly. "I don't want to rush you. I know it's confusing… with Jared…" He trailed off and I heard Wanda giggle.

"What?" He demanded, a bit louder.

"I was giving you time to sort things out. I didn't want to rush _you_- because I know it's confusing. With Melanie." I heard Wanda explain, and I resisted the very strong urge to bash their heads together. Honestly, it was so typical of them- I didn't know why I hadn't seen it before. Of course- Wanda was off thinking of everyone but herself as per usual, and Ian was just doing whatever he thought was best for Wanda, putting her before everyone else; including himself. Idiots.

"You thought…? But Melanie isn't you. I was never confused."

"And Jared isn't you."

"But he's still Jared." Ian replied, sounding a little bitter. "And you love him."

Wanda paused for a moment before she answered, but when she did, I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Jared is my past." She said. "Another life. You are my present."

"And your future, if you want that." Ian replied.

"Yes, please."

And then, just when I thought they couldn't possibly get any soppier, the kissing noises started.

Yuck. Maybe there was a downside to my plan after all.

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**A/N:** Please review! I love reviews.

And also, please forgive my 14-year-old boy style of writing here. Most of the time my writing style is more sophisticated than this. x


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